15 Captivating, Hypothetical If Songs

Reading Time: 18 min read

15 Captivating, Hypothetical If Songs features songs by Alicia Keys, Artemas, Bobby Womack, Britney Spears, Patti LaBelle, and Yeat.

According to the gospel of Britney Spears, “Love me, hate me, say what you want about me / But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to, If U Seek Amy. Word. Openly gay pop artist JORDY also had a sexual perspective involving the word IF: Don’t cancel all your plans / Just for some shitty head / ‘Causе you’ll be just as lonely later / If he’s in your bed. As for Patti LaBelle, “If only you knew / How much I do / Do love you.” All three songs appear on 15 Captivating, Hypothetical If Songs, the long-awaited sequel to 13 Songs Where It’s a Matter of IF (2019). 15 Captivating, Hypothetical If Songs features songs by Alicia Keys, Artemas, Bobby Womack, Britney Spears, Patti LaBelle, and Yeat. So, without further ado, let’s get hypothetical with these captivating IF songs! There is nothing iffy about these tunes, Chris Brown!

~ Table of Contents ~

1. Yeat, “If We Being Rëal”	2. Britney Spears, “If U Seek Amy”	3. Chris Brown, “Iffy”	4. Smokey Robinson, “If We Don’t Have Each Other”
5. Alicia Keys, “If I Ain’t Got You”	6. Luther Ingram, “(If Loving You Is Wrong) I Don’t Want to Be Right”	7. JORDY, “If He’s in Your Bed”	8. BROCKHAMPTON, “If You Pray Right”
9. The 1975, “If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)”	10. Artemas, “if u think i’m pretty”	11. Luther Vandross, “If I Didn’t Know Better”	12. Patti LaBelle, “If Only You Knew”
13. Shai, “If I Ever Fall in Love”	14. Bobby Womack, “If You Think You’re Lonely Now”	15. Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes, “If You Don’t Know Me By Now”

1. Yeat, “If We Being Rëal”

2093 // Field Trip Recordings / Capitol // 2024

“I had to let a little off, yeah / I had to cut the pill off, yeah,” Yeat raps in the sole verse of “If We Being Rëal”. “Rëal” is the 21^st track from his 2024 album, 2093. It was produced by Synthetic, Radiate, Perdu, Fendii, LRBG, and Dreamr. He continues, rapping, “But if we bein’ real though, yeah / Nah, I don’t never feel nothin’.” Before Yeat raps one bar, “Rëal” commences with an ear-catching, dramatic, enigmatic instrumental intro. Eventually, hard-hitting anchoring drums enter the mix, as does Yeat. His vocals are syrupy while his bars are rhythmic – a strong cadence and flow. Although commanding, Yeat never gets too high or too low. There are some memorable moments, including, “I take the money to another level / I take the plane to another level / I take the heights to a newer level / I take getting’ high to a newer level.’ Hmm, maybe he does get ‘too high.’ Ultimately, “If We Being Rëal” is an intriguing cut from Yeat.

~ Table of Contents ~

2. Britney Spears, “If U Seek Amy”

Circus // Zomba // 2008

“Love me, hate me, say what you want about me / But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to, if you seek Amy.” Those lyrics made “If U Seek Amy”, a gem from the 2008 Britney Spears album, Circus, controversial. Specifically, it’s the titular lyric, which isn’t what it seems, that is the culprit. IF is equivalent to the letter ‘F,’ while U (or “you”) is just what it is – the letter ‘U.’ SEEK should be split; hence, “See” is equivalent to the letter ‘C.’ That leaves a K, which is combined with the long “A” of “Amy,” hence, sounds like the letter, ‘K.’ Last, but not least, the ‘my’ in “Amy” is equivalent to the pronoun “Me.” Put it all together and “If U Seek Amy” is really the phrase “F-U-C-K Me.”

This makes perfect sense, given how Britney Spears characterizes Amy. Everyone wants a piece of her/be her/be with her. Sexually speaking, “If U Seek Amy” isn’t that sexual. “If U Seek Amy” faced pushback because of the double meaning. Notably, Slate points out that the pun isn’t original but firmly planted in the past. From my perspective, had “If U Seek Amy” came out just years later, it wouldn’t have created the same stir.

Appears in 🔻:

~ Table of Contents ~

3. Chris Brown, “Iffy”

Breezy // Chris Brown Entertainment LLC / RCA // 2022

“Bottle after bottle, now she tipsy / Can’t trust these hoes ‘cause they iffy.” On “Iffy”, the 24^th track from Breezy, Grammy-winning R&B artist Chris Brown keeps things shallow. Despite the fact he does not ‘evolve,’ there are pros. We get banging production by OG Parker, Smash David, and Blaq Tuxedo. There are lots of songwriters on this record, which is not particularly deep: “I’m ‘bout to pull up in that motherfuckin’ Bentley truck / Got some bad bitches and they ‘bout to fuck it up.” Word. To Brown’s credit, sampling the 50 Cent aughts classic, “In Da Club” accounts for a few of those credits. The thing is, even as Brown exudes ample personality, confidence, and a heaping dose of swagger, the substance and ‘transcendence’ factor is “iffy.” Still, this profane joint has an interesting melody, rhythmic and agile like melodic rap, and the pre-chorus and chorus are catchy. Give Brown credit for the contrast during the bridge section – a welcome change of pace. “Iffy” bangs, but it’s not starkly different from previous songs from R&B’s bad boy.

~ Table of Contents ~

4. Smokey Robinson, “If We Don’t Have Each Other”

Gasms // Smokey Robinson // 2023

“Wake up in the mornin’ / And there’s love layin’ there / Take up where we left off / Feel like stayin’ there.” Oh, snap! It’s not often that musicians in their eighties release new albums. Smokey Robinson is ‘built different.’ After an extended hiatus, the legendary 83-year-old Motown musician brought the Gasms on his 2023 album 🤭. Robinson made it clear that a “‘gasm’ is any good feeling you might have”. On promo single “If We Don’t Have Each Other”, the wheel isn’t reinvented, but Robinson proves he can still S-A-N-G. Amazingly, Robinson’s smooth tenor remains potent. Arguably, it’s not quite as dynamic as it was in his heyday, but still, the man sounds amazing. The song itself is enjoyable – a respectable, adult contemporary R&B joint. The production is modest and simple but sufficient by all means. Thematically, matters of the heart always equate to a win, so the dedication of which Robinson sings about is highly successful. Without each other, they have nothing – PERIOD.

“Tell me, what do we have

If we don’t have each other?

We don’t have anything

If we don’t have each other.”

“If We Don’t Have Each Other” is a solid comeback by Robinson. It reminds us how special he is as a singer, songwriter, and producer. This old-school-styled contemporary R&B joint is refreshing.

~ Table of Contents ~

5. Alicia Keys, “If I Ain’t Got You”

The Diary of Alicia Keys // RCA // 2003

Alicia Keys was ‘that girl’ back in the 2000s. Her best albums were Songs in A Minor (2001) and her sophomore album, The Diary of Alicia Keys (2003). The Diary of Alicia Keys is where one of the best songs of her musical catalogue hails: “If I Ain’t Got You”. Keys is singing to her lover in this neo-soul classic. The only thing that she wants is him – her boo. This is best exemplified in the chorus, one of the most timeless of the aughts from my perspective:

“Some people want it all

But I don’t’ want nothing at all

If it ain’t you, baby

If I ain’t got you baby

Some people want diamond rings

Some just want everything

But everything means nothing

If I ain’t got you, yeah.”

Further making “If I Ain’t Got You” the bop that it is – the music and the production work. She delivers a passionate, soulful vocal, while the piano accompaniment is simply perfect. As a pianist, those arpeggiated lines are fun to play and lovely to the ears. Beyond the piano, there’s additional ear candy: a relatively simple drum groove, bass, smooth electric guitar, horns… Yeah, this just screams love and matrimony!

Appears in 🔻:

~ Table of Contents ~

6. Luther Ingram, “(If Loving You Is Wrong) I Don’t Want to Be Right”

Absolutely the Best of Luther Ingram // Airline // 2010 

“If loving you is wrong I don’t wanna be right / If being right means being without you / I’d rather live a wrong, doing life.” Love will make you do crazy things, including things you know aren’t right.  In the case of the soul classic, “(If Loving You Is Wrong) I Don’t Want to Be Right”, Luther Ingram commits infidelity 😈. Well, if you’re going to be unfaithful, at least do it with a soul classic that topped the pop charts, right (no. 3 on the Billboard Hot 100)?   

“Your friends tell you it’s no future 

In loving a married man 

If I can’t see you when I want to 

I’ll see you when I can.”   

Luther was dead wrong, but he perfectly captures how affairs work.  The guilty parties have to sneak around, which should signal how criminal what they’re doing is.  Ingram questions his behavior throughout “(If Loving You Is Wrong) I Don’t Want to Be Right,” but finds it hard to give up his ‘side piece,’ despite “Knowing I got a wife and two little children / Depending on me too.” You dog! Besides the expressive lead vocals and scandalous yet pitch-perfect lyrics, the music is epic.  That signature guitar line, those horns – the ripe soulful aesthetic! A surefire vibe! More than 50 years after its release, “(If Loving You Is Wrong) I Don’t Want to Be Right” remains fresh, relevant, and timeless.  One of soul music’s crown jewels. As expected, many have covered this classic. The question is, has anybody outperformed the original version?  

Appears in 🔻:  

~ Table of Contents ~

7. JORDY, “If He’s in Your Bed”

Mind Games // 300 Entertainment // 2021

“Waitin’ up for someone / That I wouldn’t introduce to my friends…” Well, JORDY, dear, that’s how you know that this boy isn’t worth it. Perhaps he looks phenomenal in the buff, and the rocket launch is something fierce, but ultimately, IT’S NOT WORTH IT. That said, the pop musician is young, and lust can be hard to overcome without action, but he wouldn’t be singing about it on “If He’s in Your Bed” (Mind Games) if he didn’t already know it’s a BAD IDEA.

“I said that in June I’d find love by December / Shit’s still not together, damn…” JORDY has lots to sort through on “If He’s in Your Bed.” He knows “these boys ain’t shit.” Regardless, he’s been in the position where having sex is just a thing to DO even though “I know you’re not as good as my ex.” Furthermore, he’s kissed boys that aren’t ‘take home to mom’ material, not to mention that it’s nothing more than a physical happening. Give him credit, though – he’s becoming self-aware – illustrated masterfully on the chorus:

“Stop makin’ messes just to hide your messes

You know it’s true

Don’t send that message ‘cause you’re bored

With nothin’ bettеr to do

Don’t cancel all your plans

Just for some shitty head

‘Causе you’ll be just as lonely later

If he’s in your bed.”

JORDY arrives at the correct realizations on “If He’s in Your Bed”. The fun isn’t so fun in the big picture. ‘Fun’ can’t atone for an ex, ultimately, nor does it make headway to achieve a legit, substantial love. That love, that the pop star aspires to, transcends that “shitty head” he sings about on the chorus. Shout out to the vocals, songwriting (JORDY, Riley Biederer, and Jonny Shorr), and production (Shorr).

Appears in 🔻:

~ Table of Contents ~

8. BROCKHAMPTON, “If You Pray Right”

GINGER // Question Everything / RCA // 2019

“If You Pray Right”, a highlight from GINGER, the fifth studio by now defunct boy band, BROCKHAMPTON, commences with a bang thanks to its unique, quirky production work, including ‘extraterrestrial’ synths. The record samples the Three 6 Mafia joint, “Break Da Law ‘95’” from their 1995 album, Mystic Stylez. Yeah, the production kicks total ass. Dom McLennon raps the first verse over brassy synths, exhibiting his unique flow, including referencing religion (“Hallelujah, holy lion, word to Judas”). Kevin Abstract follows, rapping the chorus. He references his sexuality, though not as explicitly as usual (“Hiding at my partner house…”). He follows up with the post-chorus, which uniquely uses pitch-shifted vocals. Matt Champion spits the brief second verse, with Merlyn Wood segueing with the third, with great contrast between the two rapper’s voices. Joba drops the fourth, with some layered pitch-shifted vocals, keeping things interesting (“At the door, bruh, Jehovah, you ho bitch / Witness sadistic shit, well, come again”). There is an instrumental break before the bridge section, lifting off the sample (“Break the law, break the law…”), while Abstract performs the outro, a complete shift from everything else that precedes. ‘Trippy’ would be a great way to describe it. “If You Pray Right” is nothing short of compelling to the nth degree.

Appears in 🔻:

~ Table of Contents ~

9. The 1975, “If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)”

Notes on a Conditional Form // Interscope // 2020

“If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)” marked the seventh single that The 1975 released before their gargantuan album,  Notes on a Conditional Form.  “If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)” feels like ‘lucky number seven’ – it’s accomplished in just about every facet. Instrumentally, it serves up decadent ear candy, styled in the 80s vain with its horns and keys complementing the guitars. One of the brightest spots musically comes by way of an electrifying saxophone solo. Vocally,  Matthew Healy is compelling, particularly given the subject matter: online dating. “I see her online, all the time / I’m trying not to stare down there.” Hmm, maybe it’s sketchier than online dating. Regardless, Healy is particularly intrigued by her looks and the sexual potential more than an emotional connection.  In the second verse, he freakily adds, “I’ve been wearing nothing every time I call you / And I’m starting to feel weird about it…” Of course, the chorus is the crowning achievement:  

“‘Maybe I would like you better if you took off your clothes

I’m not playing with you baby; I think that you should give it a go’

She said, ‘Maybe I would like you better if you took off your clothes

I wanna see and stop thinking if you’re too shy then let me –

Too shy then let me know.’” 

Wow.  “If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)” is a fun, memorable cut – quite the bop thanks to its sound, energetic vocals, and theme & lyrics.

Appears in 🔻:

~ Table of Contents ~

10. Artemas, “if u think i’m pretty”

pretty // Artemas // 2024

“If you think I’m pretty, lay our hands on me / Know you can’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout it,” English singer/songwriter Artemas sings on “if u think I’m pretty”, the brief opener from his 2024 album, pretty. He produced the brief cut alongside Daintree. “If…” boasts sleek production work anchored by a heavy-hitting beat and dark synths. Fittingly, the song is set in a minor key. As always, Artemas’ vocals are intriguing. They are effects heavy, finding the alternative pop musician showing off higher pitched (pre-chorus and chorus) and middle register (verse) moments. In both instances, the melodies are tuneful. Lyrically, Artemas ‘keeps it real’ – he does not sugarcoat the prettiness! In the chorus, excerpted above, he continues honestly, “I know that you’re shitty and you’re bad for me / But I can’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout it.” “Won’t you give that shit a rest? / Said you needed love, but you’re only here for sex, and,” he sings in the verse, continuing, “And I’m dyin’ to be next / Kille me once before, I just come back more obsessed with you.” Word.

~ Table of Contents ~

11. Luther Vandross, “If I Didn’t Know Better”

Dance with My Father // Sony Music Entertainment // 2003

Dance with My Father is a significant album in the Luther Vandross discography. It was the late Grammy-winning R&B singer/songwriter’s 13^th and final studio album. Before the album was released in 2003, Vandross suffered a severe stroke. In 2005, he passed away, at age 54 from complications of a stroke. Dance with My Father begins with a super-smooth, adult contemporary R&B bop, “If I Didn’t Know Better” penned by Vandross, Reed Vertelney, and Ezekiel Lewis. Vandross produced it. “If I Didn’t Know Better” finds Luther Vandross at his best. His vocals are silky smooth – simply angelic. As he sings, it never sounds like Vandross breaks a sweat. The production is firmly planted in a grown folks’ brand of R&B but doesn’t sound out of touch with the contemporary R&B of the aughts either. In “If I Didn’t Know Better,” the girl, Luther’s friend, has a man. However, Vandross believes their friendship is more. “I see the things that your man can’t see,” he sings in the first verse, adding, “And who is there for you and love you like no other / Then you kiss and tell me that you love me like a brother.” In the second verse, he admits his ‘read’ on the situation could be incorrect, but “I don’t rub up on my friends that way.” Ooh-wee! Besides his brilliant vocals, Luther is supported by sweet background vocals. The chorus is the centerpiece with Vandross expanding on their ‘relationship’:

“If I didn’t know better

I’d think that you were mine, you’re with me all the time

If I didn’t know better

I’d swear we’re more than friends, you’re touching me again

If I didn’t know better

I’d think we were in love

Girl, do you wanna tell me something?

Oh, oh, oh.”

“If I Didn’t Know Better” is a fine non-single from Dance with My Father that deserves its flowers.

Appears in 🔻:

~ Table of Contents ~

12. Patti LaBelle, “If Only You Knew”

I’m In Love Again // Philadelphia International / Sony BMG // 1983

“I must have rehearsed my lines / A thousand times / Until I had them memorized.” Ah, those famous opening lyrics hail from Patti LaBelle, specifically, one of her biggest, most renowned hits, “If Only You Knew”. “If Only You Knew” appears on her 1983, gold-certified album, I’m In Love Again. This ultra-smooth soul cut, amazingly, was merely a moderate hit on the Billboard Hot 100, peaking at no. 46 – #TRAVESTY! Of course, “If Only You Knew” performed better on the R&B charts.

So, why was Patti LaBelle rehearsing lines? Well, she needed to tell him her true feelings. It took her a while to “get up the nerve / To tell you the words.” Those words are, of course, finding LaBelle revealing her love. The classic chorus says it best:

“If only you knew

How much I do

Do love you

If only you know

How much I do

I do need you.”

Of course, LaBelle sings brilliantly, showing poise early on and ‘letting her rip’ as the record progresses. “If Only You Knew” was tailor-made for LaBelle. Penned by the talented team of Cynthia Biggs, Dexter Wansel, and Kenneth Gamble, it’s incredibly well written. LaBelle takes this love-driven gem and runs with it.

Appears in 🔻:

~ Table of Contents ~

13. Shai, “If I Ever Fall in Love”

If I Ever Fall in Love // Gasoline Alley // 1992

Sometimes, success comes early for a musical group. For contemporary R&B collective Shai – Carl Martin, Darnell Van Rensalier, Garfield Bright, Marc Gay – their first single, “If I Ever Fall in Love”, was gargantuan. The a cappella gem was their biggest hit, reaching no. 2 on the Billboard Hot 100. Beyond its chart peak, “If I Ever Fall in Love” was certified platinum by the RIAA. Furthermore, their debut album, If I Ever Fall in Love, was certified double platinum. Martin wrote and produced the 90s classic. If I Fall in Love features two versions of the song. The best version is the original, a cappella version – the sixth track. The voices of Shai mesh together seamlessly. Shai are connected, expressive, and playful. Thematically, love and matters of the heart never grow old. The collective touts the importance of friendship and an emotional connection regarding love. “But I was caught up in physical attraction,” they assert in the first verse, adding, “But to my satisfaction / Baby, you were more than just a face.” Phew 😮‍💨! Lust is not equivalent to love! In the second verse, “The very next time she’ll be my friend.” They add, “I just wanna be the one to serve you / Sometimes, I feel as if I don’t deserve you / I cherish every moment with you.” Oh, the dedication! Of course, the centerpiece – the section to beat – is the chorus:

“And if I ever (ever fall)

In love again (again)

I will be sure that the lady is a friend

And if I ever (ever fall)

In love so true (so true)

I will be sure that the lady’s just like you.”

Prudent words. More than 30 years later, “If I Ever Fall in Love” remains the sugar honey iced tea.

Appears in 🔻:

~ Table of Contents ~

14. Bobby Womack, “If You Think You’re Lonely Now”

The Poet // ABKCO Music & Records, Inc. // 1981

“If you think you’re lonely now, huh / Wait until tonight, girl.” Why Bobby Womack? “I’ll be long gone / …And you’ll never find another man that’ll treat you right.” Noted – loud and clear. The late, great soul musician dropped a gem in the early 80s with “If You Think You’re Lonely Now”. The seventh track from his 1981 LP, The Poet, was a hit on the R&B charts. However, sadly, it didn’t impact the pop charts. Nonetheless, the Womack, Patrick Moten, and Sandra Sully penned track is one of the gems of Bobby’s awesome musical catalog. First and foremost, Womack ‘brings the heat’ vocally. He has the perfect topic to sing about: love. Both lyrics and melodies are memorable. The songwriting is relatable, given that ‘matters of the heart’ are universal. Womack feels unloved by a woman he characterizes as ‘high maintenance’: “She’s always complaining ‘bout me never being at home / But when I’m home, I’m broke / She’s telling me ‘bout the things that her girlfriend’s got / What she ain’t got.” In the second and third verses, there are elements of karma. “When I ain’t there to rub your back /… Just remember I made it a known fact,” he sings in the second, adding in the third, “Girl, ain’t it funny how the tables turn? / When things aren’t going your way.” By the fifth verse, he’s completely done with her shenanigans: “‘Cause I’ve done my time / And it’s your turn now (Wait until tonight, girl).” Womack also gets a lift from fantastic background vocals that sing titular lyrics and the recurrent, “Wait until tonight, girl.” Aside from sweet, nuanced vocals and unforgettable lyrics, the musical accompaniment is swell. Ultimately, Womack shines on this ‘late-career’ hit. “If You Think You’re Lonely Now” was famously covered by K-Ci and has been sampled many times.

Appears in 🔻:

~ Table of Contents ~

15. Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes, “If You Don’t Know Me By Now”

***Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes (Ft. Teddy Pendergrass*) // Epic // 1972**

“All the things / That we’ve been through / You should understand me / Like I understand you.” Sing it, Teddy Pendergrass (1950 – 2010)! The late soul singer brings his dynamic and expressive baritone to the high-flying Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes classic, “If You Don’t Know Me By Now”. “If You Don’t Know Me By Now” is the fourth track from Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes (Ft. Teddy Pendergrass), released in 1972. It marks the soul collective’s best-charting song on the pop charts. It peaked at no. 3 on the Billboard Hot 100. Expectedly, on the R&B charts, “If You Don’t Know Me By Now” reached no. 1. Penned and produced by the iconic duo Gamble & Huff (Kenneth Gamble and Leon Huff), “Know” is one of the all-time classics in the soul catalog.

Pendergrass’ ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ vocals play a huge role in the success of “If You Don’t Know Me By Now.” He masterfully brings lyrics and melody to life. The verses are terrific. So is the varying pre-chorus, where first, Teddy sings, “Oh, don’t get so excited / When I come home a little late at night / ‘Cause we only act like children / When we argue fuss and fight.” Oh, snap! In the second pre-chorus, he makes a valid point: “What good is a love affair / When we can’t see eye to eye?” The centerpiece is the chorus, which features sublime background vocals by The Blue Notes and top-notch ad-libs and vocal riffs from Pendergrass:

“(If you don’t know me by now)

If you don’t know me by now

(You will never, never, never know me)

You will never, never, never know me

(If you don’t know me by now)

If you don’t know me, baby

(You will never, never, never know me)

No, you won’t.”

Beyond songwriting and vocal performance, the musical accompaniment is stunning. This comes as no surprise with Gamble & Huff at the helm. This is Philly soul at its finest. The rhythm section! The dramatic, lush strings! The ambiance! “If You Don’t Know Me By Now” is a masterpiece.

Appears in 🔻:

~ Table of Contents ~ // ~ intro ~

15 Captivating, Hypothetical If Songs (2025) [📷: Brent Faulkner / The Musical Hype; 300 Entertainment, ABKCO Music & Records, Inc., Airline, Artemas, Capitol, Field Trip Recordings, Epic, Gasoline Alley, Interscope, Question Everything, Philadelphia International, RCA, Smokey Robinson, Sony BMG, Sony Music Entertainment, Zomba; AcatXlo from Pixabay]

15 Captivating, Hypothetical If Songs | Playlist 🎧

Published by the musical hype on March 21, 2025March 21, 2025